L and I were talking today about me hating that I need her, that I'm overly dependent on her, that I like (sort of) seeing her twice a week. She keeps telling me that what I'm feeling is 'ok' but I keep fighting it. I don't want to need her, it just feels like it's too much. Fuck
I know that when I accept how I feel about her I do actually feel better, but then the doubts creep in, or some trust is broken and it's like a house of cards that just come tumbling down. This constant push-pull is gonna wear me out.
Normally I would see her again this Friday but she's away at a conference. Hate that. She said she's still available via phone, although she said she knows that I would never call but I can text all I want. I did send her a wise-ass text a few minutes ago '.....I heard a rumor that your conference got cancelled :).......can't blame a girl for trying.'
I feel like such a therapy freak. Is it really ok to need someone so much?
She said today that someday I'll laugh about this. That I'll realize that these feelings of dependency won't always be there and right now it's sort of like a means to an end.