Monday, November 18, 2013

So I'm still in the throws of wanting L to love me, which she says she does, and I wonder if I'm just playing semantics with her, or is it something else, something that she's either holding back from saying outright?

We had another one of those 'text' conversations.  I know, I know.  It may not be the best way to communicate, but for me, right now, this is how I'm rolling!

Anyway, I told her that we've talked of our 'connection' in the past and what it means to me and how it serves me.  But today I texted and said that 'connection' didn't fully describe what I feel.  What I feel is love.  I love her, and I need for her to love me, or at least I think I do.

She texted back and said that she has shown me love, respect, and encouragement.

So, she said that she's shown me love, but didn't come out and say 'I love you'. Am I just looking for ways to not believe her?  Is there really a difference between saying 'I've shown you love' and 'I love you'? Or maybe is she dancing around the subject because she doesn't either know how to 'reject' me without me feeling 'rejected' or she's just unwilling to say it because it will/may hurt/change our relationship?

Monday, November 11, 2013

Why?  Why do I keep wanting to talk about the 'relationship'? Is it really normal to keep thinking, and wanting to talk about it so much?  I think I've read somewhere that obsessing about something is just a way of not focusing on what really is bothering you.  Is that true for me?  Why would I be different?