Monday, March 10, 2014

I had been trying to finish a post I started a few days ago.  But because there was so much to write about I'm finding it overwhelming to work on at the moment. So in summary.....I just got back from a wonderful 10 day Caribbean cruise, I've only seen L once in the last six weeks, my partner and I have been focused a lot on our intimacy issues lately, although the shop continues to improve, it still is a struggle financially, read a book on vacation called "Love and Loss in Life and in Treatment".

So now with that out of the way, I'm here to say that I'm pretty much out of whack!  Lots of anxiety since I came back from vacation last week and I can't really pinpoint it.  Although I'm thinking it's probably a bunch of things on not one thing in particular.  Lots of texting with L since my session last Wednesday, nearly every day"

Me: Although I wish I had more time with today it was still really good to see you
L: Longer would have been nice it was great to see you and thank you so much for saying so

Me: Sorry, but weird question of the day...are you planning on any upcoming vacations (abandonements) or snow storms?
L: I have a conference I'm going to on the 25th and 26th other than that no plans.  Not a weird question
Me: Well that gives me time to figure out how to squeeze into your suitcase.....feeling like there may be a lot of crazy texts this week.
L: Sorry I got the dates wrong the 19th and 20th is the conference.  Keep coming with more texts.

Me:  Just really wanted to say 'hey!'
L: Hi back, hope your getting back into the swing of things
Me:  Missing the blue water, white sand, and flip flops!  Thanks for being there though, not sure why the anxiety is on the rise but trying not to freak out too much.  See ya Wednesday
L:  Well keep texting if that helps and yes I will see you on Wednesday
Me:  Thanks
L:  My pleasure
Me: Now cut that out!  You make it hard to be angry with you!  I won't know what to do with my self.
L: There are other alternatives to anger
Me: Hmmmm I"ll have to think about that.

Me:  Still lots of anxiety all weekend long.  I know there's not much you can do (and I also know you would if you could) hoping Wednesday will help, maybe I'll talk, maybe I'll even look at you
L: You could consider increasing your medication.  I know that is something that you're not comfortable with but that might be something to think about.  Look forward to seeing you on Wednesday.  Please text if its helpful I'm happy to respond.

Random questions:
  Why do I fight my enjoyment in seeing L?
  Why am I always angry at her? It's like this undercurrent with me.

Guess I really am all over the place.