In reviewing some of my blog stats today I noticed that someone from the same town as L checked out this site yesterday. Highly unlikely that it was a coincidence? Not sure how I feel about it, probably a whole myriad of ways. Not sure if I'll ask her or not.
I've had L on my mind a lot this weekend. Part of me really wanted to reach out to her and another part was/is really angry at her.
I've been very aware lately of how much I push my thoughts away, how uncomfortable I am, and how I fight them. So today while driving to work I was thinking about L and how I feel about her. I've fought the thought of thinking about her in a motherly-way, so I briefly allowed that thought this morning. I don't know how to accurately describe it but it was amazing. Even as I write it now I can feel a great sense of always being cared about. Wouldn't that be great? To have this sense that someone would always be there for you, that someone would always love you, no matter what. Much like how I feel about my own daughter.
I know if I shared this with L she would be comfortable with it. She's even said in the past that it's ok to think of her in a sisterly or motherly way. But how can lying to myself be good?
I gotta get a hobby......