Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I'm doing 'ok', not great, but certainly better than I thought I would be.  Still on vacation at a rented-friends cottage up in New Hampshire.  We've had a lot of company over the past few days and that helped me keep my mind occupied.  I was still a bit distant from people, but doing some physical activity has helped. 

I've been able to keep up with my running everyday, which really helps my mood alot.  We've gone out on the boat a few times, and we even rented sea-doos over the weekend.  That was fun, except when I flipped/dumped the one I was driving with my wife and our 5 year old.  I was so proud of our daughter, she remained calm and was even willing to go for another ride after we right-sided the sea-doo. 

I really have no right to complain.  I'm lucky enough to not only take vacation, but to take two weeks back-to-back is awesome.  We've been doing two weeks in a row for the past 5 years, and it really does make a huge difference.  I'm so much more relaxed this second week than I was during the first.

My therapist L is now gone for vacation and I won't see her until next Thursday morning.  We had a bit of a text-misunderstanding a few days ago, and although we cleared it up I'm still feeling a little crappy about it, and I haven't texted her since, and I hope I don't either.

A funny thing about the not texting though, when I flipped the sea-doo the other day I had my wallet and phone with me.  They were in the storage compartment, which normally would have been protection enough, but not when you flip it.  So my phone was ruined, and I have been without a phone, and the ability to text for 5 days now.  My work  has shipped me a new one, but it won't get here tomorrow. 

I wonder if my dumping the sea-doo was some sort of Freudian-slip??!!!  If I can't use my phone, then I certainly can't call or text her.  Although I secretly hope that she's tried to text or call me and she's now, because I haven't responded, she's overcome with worry!  I'm totally crazy.

I do miss her though, and I hate that she's away, even if I am too.  I wish I felt more settled, but I am thankful that I haven't had extreme thoughts for a few days, those were a bit scary. 

I am a little concerned about where my head will be at when vacation is over.  A part of me feels like I'm just keeping the inevitable at bay.


  1. Good to hear you're doing a bit better Maryann. Sorry if I spelled your name wrong. I always want to email my T too, and I know that feeling of the pull to contact them and the resistance to that, of feeling too needy or vulnerable or in my case maybe crazy altogether.

    Wow, if that was a F slip, that was a large one! BTW, avoiding rumination was key for me in avoiding a backslide into depression, back when I was struggling with that issue. I read a book on this that really helped me, but it was meditation / mindfulness oriented and I don't think that's your bag. But just thought I'd mention it. take care

  2. Thanks for reminding me about mindfulness. Back, about 10 years ago I enjoyed reading the work of Thich Nhat Hanh, maybe it's time to start digging out those books again. Unfortunately not sure I have the drive right now.