Monday, August 29, 2011

I've had a few anxiety attacks lately.  My head feels light, almost unattached, my stomach churns with butterflies, and my mind can't focus.

I can't get back on track.  I'm tired, I've stopped exercising, and I've shutdown from talking with people.

I'm getting sick of myself too.  I know I should be thankful for all my blessings, and there are many, but somehow it's not enough. 

I stare at my sleeping 5 year old and thank God for her.  Many would give their right arm for a child, and I know that I would jump in front of a bus to save her, but the gratefulness does not lessen the weight for me.

My partner M has been very supportive too.  We've had some good connections lately, and although we'll go to couples counseling, I feel a little less frantic about it.  We definitely need help with communication, amongst other things, but still have a lot of love for each other.

Once again, appreciative, but not enough at the moment to lift me.

I really don't have time for this.  I don't want life to pass by and me wasting time feeling like crap.


  1. Praying the anxiety lifts for you dear one. Safe hugs.

  2. Do you know why you're feeling the anxiety / depression? It does sound rough. I know the feeling when the good things in life don't seem to help, even though rationally we think they should.

  3. I don't know what's fueling the depression. I hate to even label it that, I've been calling it a 'funk' because the 'd' word scares the hell out of me.
    As for the anxiety, I have some ideas, but I'm sure it's old baggage and I'm sure she's sick of hearing about it.

  4. Hang in there. Sounds like you're going through something. Give it time. I know it's hard to be patient, but it'll pass.

  5. Therapists are there to hear about 'old baggage' though. And we pay them partly so they will listen to things over and over, until they shift, or we can let go of them emotionally. I think you can tell her about it, and it will help you to do that. For me, it has helped.

  6. Thanks everyone,all your feedback and support really helps.