I've had a few anxiety attacks lately.  My head feels light, almost unattached, my stomach churns with butterflies, and my mind can't focus.

I can't get back on track.  I'm tired, I've stopped exercising, and I've shutdown from talking with people.

I'm getting sick of myself too.  I know I should be thankful for all my blessings, and there are many, but somehow it's not enough. 

I stare at my sleeping 5 year old and thank God for her.  Many would give their right arm for a child, and I know that I would jump in front of a bus to save her, but the gratefulness does not lessen the weight for me.

My partner M has been very supportive too.  We've had some good connections lately, and although we'll go to couples counseling, I feel a little less frantic about it.  We definitely need help with communication, amongst other things, but still have a lot of love for each other.

Once again, appreciative, but not enough at the moment to lift me.

I really don't have time for this.  I don't want life to pass by and me wasting time feeling like crap.