Saw L yesterday morning and I think I feel better. Actually, I know I feel better, but it's not enough to completely lift me from the funk.
Thinking back on the session now I was surprised at how supportive and understanding she was. We talked a lot about her not being around and how that affected me. She reiterated that it's ok for me to be dependent on her right now, I need it, and there's nothing wrong with it. She reiterated that although this relationship is a bit different than most it's still very real, and it's not one way.
We talked about the various text exchanges we had while she was gone. I told her that so many times what I wrote was not exactly what I was feeling or thinking. More passive-aggressive than anything. It was also good to get her take on the texts too. I certainly read too much into her responses. Or should I say that I read too much negative-crap into her responses, crap that doesn't exist at all.
So other than me melting down internally, life goes on.
We took our 5 year old daughter to kindergarten orientation today. She loved it, and is looking forward to starting school next week. My partner is excited for her too. On the other hand I'm a nervous wreck! I'm sure everything will be fine, but as we get closer I get more worried.
We did talk to her teacher today about S (our daughter) having two moms, and what's the school and the teachers stance on families headed up by gay/lesbian parents. The teacher responded well, but not as supportive as I liked. I think I wanted her reassurance, but she downplayed it a bit.
Still moving forward on the new business venture. So much is still up in the air though, and it's not even close to being a done deal. It's just gonna take some time patience, and lots of deep breaths!