Wednesday, August 10, 2011

To quote George Jetson 'Jane, stop this crazy thing'.

This morning I'm feeling sad, not angry anymore.  At least not as angry as yesterday.

I'm not sure what the sadness is about.  Maybe because I'm feeling a bit lost and alone?  Not sure where to go and what to do?  What to do with myself?

Since coming back from vacation I've only run once.  I know running helps me tremendously, but I don't feel the drive right now, the drive to feel better.  Weird.  Another chasing-my-tail thing. 

Maybe it's not sad so much as it is hopeless?

And still the lingering 'How will I be tomorrow with L?'.

I know it helps to talk.  I'm pretty sure she cares, although honestly, I feel like she's shifting and pulling away from me.  Like she's getting sick of me or too frustrated with me.  And if I asked her if that were true I'm not sure I'd get an answer that I would believe.  Or, I would get the only answer that I would believe, which would be 'Yes, I'm frustrated with you and don't want to work with you anyore'.

I wish I didn't have to deal with the world today.  I wish I could just crawl back into bed and not have to deal with anyone or anything today.  Just sort of sit and wait for tomorrow.  But alas, that will not happen.

Do you want another crazy thought??  OK.......L is flying home today.  I've thought of finding all the incoming flights from that state and continuously monitor them to make sure they all land safely.

More crazy thoughts to come......


  1. I find often underneath anger is a whole swirling mess of sadness. The story your mind is telling you about your T really is made up I's not based on her actual behavior it seems. Maybe it's more of a fear you have? I hope you have a good session tomorrow, (barring any plane crashes ;-) ) and that you feel better.

  2. It is amazing how many fears pop into our heads. We live with ourselves 24/7 and I know I get tired of myself complaining about myself to myself. It would only be natural to think that others get tired of us as well. If L is a good t. she knows it goes with the territory. Many times what we perceive(as I know I struggle with this BIG time) is all about us. Not what we think the other one is thinking. Which brings me to my latest blog entry that you read, thank you for your input and visit. I am praying that I can at least remember these points to fall back onto when I am triggered. I think the first thing is recognizing I have this tendancy to perceive things out of porportion and then what I am thinking is not what the other party is thinking all the time. Yes very very very hard. When that is all you knew growing up. Thinking about you at this time. Safe hugs.