To quote George Jetson 'Jane, stop this crazy thing'.
This morning I'm feeling sad, not angry anymore. At least not as angry as yesterday.
I'm not sure what the sadness is about. Maybe because I'm feeling a bit lost and alone? Not sure where to go and what to do? What to do with myself?
Since coming back from vacation I've only run once. I know running helps me tremendously, but I don't feel the drive right now, the drive to feel better. Weird. Another chasing-my-tail thing.
Maybe it's not sad so much as it is hopeless?
And still the lingering 'How will I be tomorrow with L?'.
I know it helps to talk. I'm pretty sure she cares, although honestly, I feel like she's shifting and pulling away from me. Like she's getting sick of me or too frustrated with me. And if I asked her if that were true I'm not sure I'd get an answer that I would believe. Or, I would get the only answer that I would believe, which would be 'Yes, I'm frustrated with you and don't want to work with you anyore'.
I wish I didn't have to deal with the world today. I wish I could just crawl back into bed and not have to deal with anyone or anything today. Just sort of sit and wait for tomorrow. But alas, that will not happen.
Do you want another crazy thought?? OK.......L is flying home today. I've thought of finding all the incoming flights from that state and continuously monitor them to make sure they all land safely.
More crazy thoughts to come......