I'm not quite sure what possessed me, but I sent my ex-T C a Christmas card. I didn't put anything special on it, it's the same card that the rest of our friends and family got.  Like I do every year, I made a collage of pictures taken during the year.  This years theme was 'blessings and being thankful', so it had pictures of us in Disney, our daughter's first day of kindergarten, a picture from our summer vacation...etc.

Maybe I wanted C to see that I was happy? I know part of me still holds out hope that she'll want to talk with me some day and help me resolve the issues I have with how she terminated with me. 

I sort of feel a little silly, probably more like pathetic that I still think about her and what happened.  Actually 'pathetic' used to be how I felt about it, now it's more a feeling of 'sadness'.  It makes me sad

I sort of feel bad about bringing this up to L.  Mainly because I didn't send her a card.  I know I could have but it didn't seem necessary.  I usually see L twice a week so she knows how I am, and hell, she's probably seen the pictures I put on the card.  But I don't want her to feel slighted.  L had given me so much and she definitely knows me way better than C does, or ever did, but there's something about C that I can't shake. 

Maybe it was the hurt.  I don't think I've ever been so decimated as I was with C.  She really started me on my therapy-for-therapy path.  And now, over 6 years later, it's still with me.  Thank goodness with the help and support of L I'm certainly at a way better place with it, but the fact that 'it' is still there concerns me.