I can't understand why I don't feel better today. I guess by 'better' I mean why do I still have the need/craving to talk to or contact Li?
I have been thinking all day about the session yesterday and my inability to remember the details. I know after I read it to her she made a comment saying that she learned a lot about me, but I don't think she ever said what she meant.
But this insatiable need is frustrating. I really thought, or hoped that by opening up to her that I would feel some sense of relief. I guess I did yesterday, but not so much today.
I tried to distract myself with work, but it was futile and I finally gave in early this afternoon and texted her:
Me: I figured if I opened up yesterday that would quench some of the need to keep reaching out to you. Not as anxious, just needy......and preoccupied.
L: Preoccupation with what?
Me: Generally the conversation yesterday. I realize that I don't actually remember alot of the details. Like what part of my blog did I read out loud and what parts did I skip. Or what specifically did you say when you responded? I mean I know it was good and I left feeling good, but I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe I really do delete you? So I've been trying t remember details, but instead I have questions. Weird but true.
L: So ask questions if you need details remembered
Me: It was probably when I had my fingers in my ears and singing Frosty
L: Yes, but now you can ask questions and some day in real time you will be able to, promise.
Me: So what did you learn about me from reading the rambly blog? Maybe tough to respond but maybe we can discuss on Tuesday....I'll try and hold out til then
L: I would like to respond for me but for me better in person, i am not great with texting.
Me: I know that texting doesn't work so well hence the hesitancy to ask. Just wish I could put it aside until we can talk. Thanks
L: You can ask now
Me: Thanks, but I guess it's more of a discussion. Some day I'll talk more and won't have a million things running through my head. Have a nice weekend.
Hmmmm, I wonder if talking more isn't my only issue, maybe I need to listen more as well?