Friday, December 16, 2011

I know this sounds sort of whiny but I feel so bad. 

I normally see L twice a week, usually on Tuesday and Thursday/Friday, and almost always at 7:30 in the morning.  Well yesterday I came home sick from work, slept for 2 hours and then was back in bed at 7:30pm.  Nothing too horrendous, just feeling crappy, headache, stomachache, got my period, got a cold coming on....etc.  So this morning I get up at 5:30am to get ready to see L.  My partner M wakes up and ask me how I feel and based on my response she suggests that I cancel with L and get back in to bed to get a couple more hours of sleep.  I knew I had to go to work, but another hour of sleep sounded enticing. I figured I could catch L before she left her house, so I sent her a text at 5:45am.

After not hearing back from her, an hour later at 6:55am I called and left a voice mail.  I then sent another text at 7:25am.  Still no response back from her.  Finally at 8:35am as I'm driving to work I finally get a text back from her. 

L: I didn't get the message until now hope everything is ok

and then another minute later

L: Feel better let me know what works for next week

Now I'm feeling so terrible, like I don't appreciate her time.  I definitely could have gone.  In fact I should have gone.  Instead of going back to sleep my partner and I had a fight.  Another difference in the way we approach child rearing.  But I digress....

As I continue to drive to work I send her this text(yea, I know I shouldn't be texting and driving...):

Me:  Sorry, I feel really bad about you not getting my message...does Tues and Thurs next week work

Because she doesn't respond right away, not that she has to of course, I continue working myself up into a panic and feeling like an ass.  She hates me, I should have gone, she dragged herself out of bed, I really wasn't that sick...etc.

So when I finally get to work I have to call her.  This is something that I rarely do, we communicate mostly via text, but I have to talk to her.  Normally I would have felt better afterwards, not that I should be let off the hook, but I was hoping not to feel so bad, but not this time.  I repeat my apology and she tells me that normally she would have had her phone and would have gotten the texts and/or voice mails, but it was just a fluke.  She tells me she's glad I kept the germs to myself and we can probably meet any morning next week, but she'll have to check and get back to me later.  I apologize again and hang up.

Partly I'm wrought with guilt, and partly I'm sad. 

I don't believe I've ever cancelled with L.  The wait in between sessions is so painful, and the craving to see her is so strong I always thought I'd have to be completely immobilized in order to 'choose' not to see her.  And this morning I was well aware of that, and I checked with myself to make sure I would be ok with it.  In fact I thought maybe it was progress that I would choose not to see her.  Boy, what was I thinking......


  1. Try not to worry too much - it sounds like it was simply a technology/human error. And you probably did need some more rest, although I'm sorry that your time this morning was filled with an argument. I'm glad you were able to reach out to her and explain ... I know that it can be difficult to go a while without them knowing the real story behind something.

    I hope you feel better soon.

  2. I don't think you sound whiny. It's amazing the issues and feelings these scheduling type problems bring up. I'm glad you phoned L. You really did nothing wrong, of course, even if you feel as if you did, somehow. Hope you feel better at this point.

  3. False guilt. You did nothing wrong. Many clients do not even bother calling or arrive late. She is willing to work with you. That is great. Feel better.

  4. You are allowed to cancel every now and then. After all, you don't do it regularly, and besides, you weren't feeling all that well. Not 100% anyway.