I need to figure out a way to bring myself back from the dark-side when I stop trusting and stop believing L. I need to stop myself from spinning out of control. It's hard, but it has to be doable. So, while I'm in a pretty good place I figure this would be a good time to come up with a plan, right?
I know she'd be ok with me texting or calling her, but it's a double-edged sword. The only way I would feel safe about contacting her is when I'm not all caught up in thinking she can't be trusted.
So how do I get off this roller coaster, this push-pull?
I also think that some of this is self-inflicted. There is something that draws me in. Maybe it's just what I'm used to, so that's naturally what I gravitate too?
A side question...for the most part I think people are in our lives for a reason. So, with L I truly believe she's in my life for a reason. But, am I in her life for a reason?