Monday, June 13, 2011

Is the love-hate, push-pull all transference?  I know everything isn't black-or-white, I hate that things aren't that clear, but I accept it!  But for the most part I can weed through the gray and figure out where I stand or how I want to go forward.  So for the things I can't, does that mean the big T is at work?

As usual, one minute I can feel very warmly towards L and then the next minute I can question her intension, and even her integrity.  I have a childhood fear of being 'tricked' and that's always present. I don't know why it's there, but it is.

I also have a fear of talking.  Like if I talk too much I give up power and that's a bad, bad thing. 

My text between L the other day:

Me:  Trying to figure out what to do with last nights crap. Trying to keep it contained but I'm having trouble making sense of it. Not sure how to be with M right now. Also it's like you were different with me, I feel lie I failed and I feel like you were not upfront. But I'm also trying to see my role in it. I guess I'm telling you this just to tell you. I guess there's more but I'm brave via text so I don't want to abuse it.

L:  It will all come together still needs sorting out you failed nothing it will become clear and a direction will be chosen that will make sense and be easy like I said last night starting is the hard part.

Unfortunately this exchange didn't help at all.  I continue to wonder if I fight it/her so I don't have to deal with other things. 


  1. My guess is that when you feel one way about someone, then the polar opposite, it is transference or some such thing. I also go back and forth on whether my T is trustworthy or cares about me at day yes, the next no. And if no, I get very distressed.

    I trust this will all come together for you. You are lucky to have such a responsive T.

  2. Thanks for the feedback Ellen. So if the push-pull is transference, which way is the right way, push or pull??

    And you're right, I am very, very lucky to have such a responsive T, I just wish it was enough to fight off the evil transference stuff.

  3. I'd say it is attachment. Classic disorganised attachment, the push/pull of whether to approach or avoid. Which is a relational pattern - so yes it could be described as transference because it is the attachment patterns of the past playing out in your current relationship - but that doesn't make it any less real.