Had my usual Wednesday morning session today. I guess by all accounts it was good. But at the same time I left feeling that I was missing something. That I didn't get something that I wanted, I didn't get some crazy need met. But I honestly don't know what it was that I wanted.
I didn't go in wanting or needing to talk about anything in particular. But I always long for a deep level of connectedness (is that a word?) that for the most part seems to only happen when we have some sort of misunderstanding, or I twist a particular incident or conversation or comment or action or text which causes me to have a strong reaction. So it's weird, for me to feel a strong connection, I need to have some sort of inner turmoil going on? Some rupture between the two of us? Some weird sort of cause-and-effect?
It's just not enough for me to sit and have a good conversation? Of course more than 'Nice weather we're having', or 'We went and saw the movie Bridesmaids and loved it'. We even talked about my reaction to Father's Day this year and the death of my dad. All in all is was good, but not enough. Why?
We've had this sort of discussion before, why every session doesn't have to be the Bell Jar, and I understand, but I'm still left feeling the same way.
I don't even know if this made any sense.