Sunday, June 19, 2011

I suppose even if they did have cards for today, who would you give them too?  I guess Happy Dead Father's Day isn't really what Hallmark had in mind. It's father's day in the states today, but I don't know what to do with myself.  My dad died 3 years ago so you'd think by now I'd handle it better, but I feel a little lost today.

Like my brothers and sisters, I too changed my Facebook profile pic to be a picture of my dad.  We've done this in the past, on his birthday, or on the day he died.  I always make sure that the photo I use represents who my dad was.  One that captures my dad.  One that shows the sparkle in his eyes, and his smile that always seemed to have more to it, like he got caught doing something mischievous.  Long before Alzheimer's sucked the life out of him.  Long before the hollowness replaced the sparkle.

I suppose I could go to the cemetery, I've only been there once since he died.  And even then I could only look at the front of the stone, never the back, where seeing his name engraved would be too much for me.  But I also know I wouldn't find him there.  He isn't anywhere.

I hate that my 5 year old daughter will never know him, and he will never know her.  Sure I can tell her stories, and share his silly jokes with her, but she will never get his essence.

My dad wasn't an angel, and he wasn't perfect, but he was an amazing person and father.  And I still think of him everyday.

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