Monday, June 13, 2011

An Odd Dream

I had a dream last night about an old therapist.  She was the one I worked with for about a year before I started seeing L.  In fact she and L work at a college together and she gave me L's number.  This exT was a nice person but definitely not for me.  She was totally CBT and didn't get me nor my longing for a connection.

So in this dream I am meeting her for therapy and as usual I was struggling to talk, struggling to communicate.  I kept trying to get up the courage to talk but it wasn't happening.  Then at one point I turned to her and she was gone, she had left a bit early.  Funny that one of my issues IRL with her was that she never, ever, ever went over the time and occasionally she would could it short by a few minutes, mainly because I wasn't talking.  That used to drive me crazy.  I was measuring her 'care' by how long our session went.

My dream continued with me trying to call her.  Frantically I searched and searched for her number and I couldn't find.  Then I started looking on the internet for her number, but still no luck.  Then all of a sudden I'm at her home, in her living room with her husband, and my partner is with me.  My exT starts tell me that her and her husband were just discussing our session, in a limited way though.  I tell my exT that I didn't understand why she left early, that I had things to say, and  I was really freaking out.  My partner then speaks up and asks is my reaction just acting?  She then starts to say that she thinks my problems are made up and once again it's all an act.  My exT agrees. 

I run from my exT's house and my partner and I start driving home, but I'm furious and want nothing to do with her.  I am so blown away by her thinking that I'm making all this up.  She on the hand doesn't think it's a big deal.  The End.

I don't know what to make of this dream, but I'm certainly lost in thought about it.  Any thoughts out there in blog-land??

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