Monday, October 17, 2011

She responded a couple hours later to my I-wrote-this-in-a-text-but-I'm-not-completely-sure-I-want-to-send-this text.  It took me about an hour after composing the text before I actually sent it.  And when I did, it was like ripping off a band-aid, just do it and move on.

Her response(s):

It's all ok I want you to feel better and if another path would work better for now, lets be open to change we can always go back

A few minutes later she follows up with:

I do not believe you are too dependent but you need to believe that it has to feel healthy for you.  We can take a break and if that's not right go back to twice a week, or stay with this and work through your feelings of dependency.  The call is yours all decisions are right.

I'm such a nut.  Her first response scared me; all I heard was 'If you want a break then fine, take a break.  Doesn't bother me'.

But then I figure she must know I'm a nut because she responds again.  This time it felt less threatening, especially because she gives me the option of sticking with what we're doing and just trying to work through it.

After running through every sort of crazy response, I settle on short-and-sweet:

Sorry for bothering you, if I work up the nerve I'll try and talk through it tomorrow.

I do really think I'm crazy.  Part of me is so thankful for her consistent support and unquestioning acceptance, and the other part of me just wants to run away.  Oh, and another part of me simply wants to throw up.

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