Does telling my therapist that I don't trust her, mean that I actually do trust her?
Or does it just mean that I want to trust her?
And either way, does it mean I'm screwed?
It was a hard session today and I still feel sad, I think, or maybe it's a feeling of being removed? or maybe tired? or shutdown? or all of the above?
I wonder if it matters at all to L how I felt, or does she simply remove herself from it so she can figure out the why? Like does it bother her that I told her that I don't trust her or does she not take it personally and just try and figure out where it's coming from?
I know how she's supposed to handle it, but I guess need to feel, ....hmmmmmm......, I guess I want to feel like I matter, that I'm important enough to be honest to and not just be told what she thinks I need to hear to feel better 'therapuetically'. Like an extreme game of positive regard. I told her today that I need to make sure she's just not 'blowing smoke'