I suppose there's really not much to report, but I do feel the need to get myself lost in the land of blog-writing, so let's see where this post ends up!
I had a session with L yesterday morning. I don't even know how to classify it. I did send this text to her a few hours afterwards:
Me: So, was it you or me that was 'off' today?
L: I'm not pointing any fingers but it seemed like you didn't want to be pushed today. So I did not push. Sometimes that is ok.
Me: Sticks and stones......
I actually felt ok afterwards, and even survived going to work, but at the same time I was missing something, like I didn't get something from the session, but I honestly don't know what. It's sort of like being in a restaurant knowing you're hungry but you can't really find anything on the menu that would satisfy you. I guess as long as you ate, no matter what it was, you'd feel physically satisfied, but you still yearn for something.
We did talk about me not feeling great over the weekend, which frustrated me. Towards the end of last week I felt like I was starting to feel better. That maybe this time depression hadn't gotten the better of me, and that I've been able to not let the work crap crush me. But this past weekend I was so agitated and frustrated. I certainly wasn't a joy to be around.
We also talked more about work stuff, and the whole time I kept saying I didn't want to talk about it. I don't know why I was fighting it. I think part of it was because I wanted a deeper level discussion with her, and talking about work usually doesn't lead down that path.
Today is my dad's birthday. Or I guess it used to be his birthday. He would have been 85 today. Still miss him everyday.
Not much movement on buying the ice cream business. I won't be meeting with the current owners until next month, but there's still lots and lots of research to do, especially as it relates to finalizing the business plan. There is a conference that I will be going to at the end of the month. I'm very excited about that. But at the same time I'm also nervous about the whole thing falling apart. There are still so many what-if's.
My partner M and I are supposed to see L tomorrow night for couples counseling. I did share with M last week how I realized what's going on for me and how I feel like I'm 'cheating' on M with L. As usual, she was totally supportive and she was happy that I shared it with her. I'm hoping that me being open with both of them will make this process a little less freakish for me. Hopefully I'll be present tomorrow night and take part in the session as opposed to hovering above the conversation and keeping myself at a distance.