Wednesday, October 26, 2011

It was a wasted session, and I so hate that.  It's strange, as I was driving to my session last Friday I had a feeling that the session wouldn't be a good one, and it wasn't.  But today I didn't have that same feeling.  I was a bit worried that we'd end up only talking about the conference I was at, and that's exactly what happened, but it took up our entire 90 minute session.

I'm a little ticked at her because after last Friday I did send her a text asking '....and can we talk more about the crazy-thoughts-that-live-in-my-head-too-much crap?  I need the outlet.....I think'  So I assumed that I sent out a strong enough hint that the ball was in her court. 

And of course I know I'm an adult(sort of), and it's up to me to ask for what I need, but that's what I was doing with my text, damn it.

During the session I was really ok with talking about the conference and how awesome it was, but at the same time I also kept myself in check.  I needed to talk about other, deeper, harder things, so I really couldn't, or maybe wouldn't express my excitement over this new business venture.  It's like I kept downplaying it and hoping that she would try and pry out of me the 'crazy-thoughts-that-live-in-my-head', but she never really did.  She did ask at the end 'was there anything else I'd like to discuss', but of course I said no. 

We also have couples counseling with her tomorrow night, and that still continues to be a tough one for me.

I know I should be in such a better mood, but the letdown from this morning is keeping me low.


  1. i think we can't always be brave, just do our best and leave it at that. there's always your next session. maybe instead of talking about the hard stuff you could talk about why it's so hard to take that first step. also explore your disappointment in her not taking the initiative after reading your text. good luck in couples counselling!

  2. I don't see why you should be in a better mood. Therapy didn't go the way you's a good reason to feel down. If you need a reason.

    I'd say also explore all these things next time. When I've done that in the past, (talked about my feelings about a session / the T) it has been at least interesting.

  3. I know how hard it can be to go into T wanting it to go a certain way and the let down of having to wait until next T time.

    I think telling her in your text you sent was adult :) I love your blog by the way. I relate to so much of what you say. Thank you for being so courageous and posting about therapy. I wish I had good insight or advice to give but I wanted to support you.

  4. Thanks Catherine, if I work up the courage to talk to my t I think I'll try your suggestion of just talking about why it's so hard to talk.

    Ellen, thanks for validating and understanding why I'm still in a crappy mood.

    KcrewRus, thanks so much for your note, reading it last night gave me such a boost. Not to mention it's nice to know that I'm not the only one with crazy thoughts!!