Thursday, September 1, 2011

I sometimes wish I could just sit and cry.  Unabashedly ball my eyes out.  I feel like I'm just trying to myself together, to hold it all in and not fall apart.  Although honestly, I'm not sure what exactly I would be crying about. 

I also wish I could just sit in L's office and simply 'be'.  To say whatever was going on in my head, or whatever I'm feeling. 

I'm glad I get to see her tomorrow morning.  I know that's part of me 'holding it together', to just get through the day(s) to when we can meet. 

I want to talk, I want to cry, and at the same time I want to sit in the quiet, and simply feel held.  I wish I could say that to her.  I wish I were brave enough.

I sent her a text after our last session simply saying 'Thank you.......again'.  She responded that I didn't have to thank her.  And I responded with 'Actually I do have to Thank you, I'm afraid I don't let you know enough how much your support has meant to me, so I figure the least I can do is say thanks.

Why can't I actually say out loud what I think and feel? 


  1. Probably it would do you a lot of good to cry...I find that difficult also though - I had a lot of training to hold feelings in.

    Re expressing your feelings in therapy - it would be difficult for anyone to verbalize those intense feelings, especially as they are towards the T herself - that would be making yourself super vulnerable after all. Maybe you could try with one part of it, like just sitting for a while, with a comment that you feel good and just want to sit for a while? I've just sat in therapy, but in my case usually with strong feelings from the past, but it was a good experience and it was like being held in a way.

    Well, hope the session was good. take care now

  2. I have trouble crying in front of people. When I am alone, I can cry. But, I want to get to the place where the shame to even show emotions in front of people will be gone. Safe hugs to you.