I sometimes wish I could just sit and cry. Unabashedly ball my eyes out. I feel like I'm just trying to myself together, to hold it all in and not fall apart. Although honestly, I'm not sure what exactly I would be crying about.
I also wish I could just sit in L's office and simply 'be'. To say whatever was going on in my head, or whatever I'm feeling.
I'm glad I get to see her tomorrow morning. I know that's part of me 'holding it together', to just get through the day(s) to when we can meet.
I want to talk, I want to cry, and at the same time I want to sit in the quiet, and simply feel held. I wish I could say that to her. I wish I were brave enough.
I sent her a text after our last session simply saying 'Thank you.......again'. She responded that I didn't have to thank her. And I responded with 'Actually I do have to Thank you, I'm afraid I don't let you know enough how much your support has meant to me, so I figure the least I can do is say thanks.
Why can't I actually say out loud what I think and feel?