I thought I'd share a couple of texts that L and I have exchanged over the past week.
In case you haven't followed along before, M is me and L is my therapist.
This one is from last Friday after my session with her. Amongst a whole bunch of other things, we were talking about loss and grief and the switch in my ruminations regarding therapy and her:
M: I wonder if I'm scared of losing you both physically(by moving) and mentally(stopping the OCD thoughts)? Ya, I know what you're gonna say (cause I can read minds) You're not going anywhere...blah, blah, blah. I just wonder will I always be this weird. Thanks for today.
She didn't respond to this, but I didn't really need her to, although of course I do like when she does. But sometimes it just helps me to text her things so I can somehow release them.
This exchange happened yesterday after my session and her trying to get me to talk more about my thoughts around therapy and her:
M: Assuming nothing 'big' happens in my life, can you make sure (hold my feet to the fire) that we talk (I talk) about my crazy-obsessional thoughts? Although I may deny sending this.
A few minutes later, while thinking about this text instead of paying attention in a meeting I sent this follow-up:
M: And you have to promise that things won't get weird or you won't get weird after......I'm already weird.
L: Promise
Then later that evening, after me continuing to worry/think about it:
M: I'll probably need something in writing....notarized
L: How about written in blood.
M: If that's all you got
L: I thought pinky's swear was too wimpy
M: Good point, maybe we can spit on our hands and then shake on it.
I know many people would question or find it odd that L and I text, but it really has helped me, and I think it has helped L to help me. My life, my thoughts, and my feelings don't happen in 50 minute increments. It's painful for me to talk and it talks me a while to get there. But texting has made me more comfortable with L and it allows her to better understand what's going on inside me during the week.
This is a wonderful exchange between you and your therapist - I love it! And I'm really glad you've found a therapist who does text outside session - as you said, it's a great way to become more comfortable, and stay in touch with what's going on inside over the week.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could therapy via email or letter. I hate verbalising things. It does not give me enough time to process stuff. Writing feelings, thoughts, emotions down makes more sense to me.
ReplyDeleteHence the reason I have still not gone back to therapy since APRIL. I don't want to say the words that have to be said. I want to write them.
I wonder if I could go in with a note pad and paper and do it that way.
Thanks Kerro. I think I put this out there so I can remind myself how supportive L is. I seem to forget every once in a while!
ReplyDeleteLinda, I hear ya about the writing. Before I blogged about therapy I used to journal. But only I saw the journal (for the most part). My current T has encouraged the blogging because she wants me to get feedback from others. Makes me feel a little less weird.
But, we don't rely on my writing for therapy, it's just a place for me to start from. And the texting is only a tool, it doesn't replace the face-to-face stuff.
Just writing it out would be easier for me, but I have to admit I don't get the same satisfaction. I get a huge benefit when I actually muster up the courage to talk.
Maybe you could start out slow? Write things down but then read from them?
That is super that in his day and age a lot of t. are going outside of their comfort box and being a little bit more human and not ridgit in following the Code of Ethics. I am glad you have that opportunity to text with L. Making it easier on some of us than a face to face session. Safe hugs.
ReplyDelete