I thought I'd share a couple of texts that L and I have exchanged over the past week.
In case you haven't followed along before, M is me and L is my therapist.
This one is from last Friday after my session with her. Amongst a whole bunch of other things, we were talking about loss and grief and the switch in my ruminations regarding therapy and her:
M: I wonder if I'm scared of losing you both physically(by moving) and mentally(stopping the OCD thoughts)? Ya, I know what you're gonna say (cause I can read minds) You're not going anywhere...blah, blah, blah. I just wonder will I always be this weird. Thanks for today.
She didn't respond to this, but I didn't really need her to, although of course I do like when she does. But sometimes it just helps me to text her things so I can somehow release them.
This exchange happened yesterday after my session and her trying to get me to talk more about my thoughts around therapy and her:
M: Assuming nothing 'big' happens in my life, can you make sure (hold my feet to the fire) that we talk (I talk) about my crazy-obsessional thoughts? Although I may deny sending this.
A few minutes later, while thinking about this text instead of paying attention in a meeting I sent this follow-up:
M: And you have to promise that things won't get weird or you won't get weird after......I'm already weird.
Then later that evening, after me continuing to worry/think about it:
M: I'll probably need something in writing....notarized
L: How about written in blood.
M: If that's all you got
L: I thought pinky's swear was too wimpy
M: Good point, maybe we can spit on our hands and then shake on it.
I know many people would question or find it odd that L and I text, but it really has helped me, and I think it has helped L to help me. My life, my thoughts, and my feelings don't happen in 50 minute increments. It's painful for me to talk and it talks me a while to get there. But texting has made me more comfortable with L and it allows her to better understand what's going on inside me during the week.