Well I caved, I gave in, I failed. I texted L.
I think I wish there was a way to take it back, but maybe there's some comfort in knowing I can't. No takesies backsies, no do overs, no mulligans.
I know it had been coming on for a while. She has started to creep back in my head. It scares me. I thought I was better. Maybe I was just in denial?
I found myself looking through all our texts last night. I felt the pangs of missing her, of missing the connection. Or was there really ever a connection? Would it matter if only I felt it?
I went back and forth in my head for a while, then I pulled the death card. What if she died tomorrow, would I regret not reaching out to her?
I kept it simple:
Me: still miss you, a lot
She hasn't replied. Trying not to drive myself crazy with that thought. Trying to keep myself busy today.