Well I caved, I gave in, I failed.  I texted L.

I think I wish there was a way to take it back, but maybe there's some comfort in knowing I can't.  No takesies backsies, no do overs, no mulligans.

I know it had been coming on for a while.  She has started to creep back in my head.  It scares me.  I thought I was better.  Maybe I was just in denial?

I found myself looking through all our texts last night.  I felt the pangs of missing her, of missing the connection.  Or was there really ever a connection? Would it matter if only I felt it?

I went back and forth in my head for a while, then I pulled the death card.  What if she died tomorrow, would I regret not reaching out to her?

I kept it simple:

Me: still miss you, a lot

She hasn't replied.  Trying not to drive myself crazy with that thought.  Trying to keep myself busy today.