Monday, February 13, 2012

I want to tell you that I hate you for this right now, and at the same time I want to run towards you.  I need you to be normal.  I need you to read my mind.  I need you to know when to offer me the world and when to hang back and wait for me to catch up. 

Please don't be one of those people.  I don't want to hate you, I want to trust you.  But I know I'll never be able to forcefully silence the voice, and I wouldn't want to.  But I don't want the voice to be right.  Were you trying to convince me today, or were you being honest?

I also hate that I don't get tomorrow, I was not ready for today, it wasn't supposed to be about me today.  And now  because of that I'm thrown.  I could ask for tomorrow back, I know I could, but the voice doesn't want me to, I think. 

I don't want to be in this place.  Do I keep myself in this place?  That way I can avoid other things. Or is it valid?

Why to I attach other things to it?  Why do I read into it so much? Am I looking for something, and I won't stop until I find it?  Ah-ha, I knew you couldn't be trusted, I should have trusted my instincts.  I mean, eventually everyone will screw up.

3 comments:

  1. What happened? This sounds like it is so difficult and I'm thinking of you and holding you in thought ...

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    Replies
    1. Hmm...sounds like your typical love/hate relationship. :-)

      That dance of trust / mistrust is so painful, and I know it well also.

      I like your post today - poetic and real.

      Sorry, seems I can only reply to amanda, not post my own comment.

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    2. Still with you, still understanding, still feeling every bit of what you write in my own life.
      So very different, so many miles away yet I can feel your hurt.
      Hang on in there - take a look at your following - you are not alone with this.

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