Monday, February 13, 2012

I want to tell you that I hate you for this right now, and at the same time I want to run towards you.  I need you to be normal.  I need you to read my mind.  I need you to know when to offer me the world and when to hang back and wait for me to catch up. 

Please don't be one of those people.  I don't want to hate you, I want to trust you.  But I know I'll never be able to forcefully silence the voice, and I wouldn't want to.  But I don't want the voice to be right.  Were you trying to convince me today, or were you being honest?

I also hate that I don't get tomorrow, I was not ready for today, it wasn't supposed to be about me today.  And now  because of that I'm thrown.  I could ask for tomorrow back, I know I could, but the voice doesn't want me to, I think. 

I don't want to be in this place.  Do I keep myself in this place?  That way I can avoid other things. Or is it valid?

Why to I attach other things to it?  Why do I read into it so much? Am I looking for something, and I won't stop until I find it?  Ah-ha, I knew you couldn't be trusted, I should have trusted my instincts.  I mean, eventually everyone will screw up.


  1. What happened? This sounds like it is so difficult and I'm thinking of you and holding you in thought ...

    1. Hmm...sounds like your typical love/hate relationship. :-)

      That dance of trust / mistrust is so painful, and I know it well also.

      I like your post today - poetic and real.

      Sorry, seems I can only reply to amanda, not post my own comment.

    2. Still with you, still understanding, still feeling every bit of what you write in my own life.
      So very different, so many miles away yet I can feel your hurt.
      Hang on in there - take a look at your following - you are not alone with this.