Can't decide whether or not to meet up with L tomorrow. I sent her a text last Thursday confirming that I would like to see her this week, and I asked if Tuesday would work for her. She never responded, and I got to thinking (ruminating??!!) that maybe I shouldn't see her during my vacation.
I had gotten through the first couple of days post-therapy and I was doing ok. I was starting to relax and enjoy my vacation and I'm afraid if/when I do see here that I'll be thrown back into the anxiety that I typically feel after I leave seeing her. And it would be compounded cause she is gone on vacation next week. And even though I'm on vacation next week too I still hate that she's leaving.
More childlike feelings, I know.
I did send her a text a couple hours ago:
Me: I'm assuming you didn't see my text the other day, I had asked about seeing you tomorrow, but I think I'll recant if that's ok. Have a great vacation.
L: I didn't see it but I can do tuesday morning
Me: Would like to but I'm afraid that I'll feel worse afterwards (sorry if that sounds crappy). So you'd have to promise that I won't!!
I guess my texts were a bit passive-aggressive. I wanted to go into what was going on in my head more, but there's only so much to say in a text.
What would you do???