I had my whole day planned. I knew what I had to do to get to 6:00pm. I even dressed for it. I was so close, just two hours to go, I could easily make it. But then the phone rang, I glanced over and read the caller id, and I knew it wouldn't be good. L was calling two hours before our session. She had a family emergency, one of her kids was hurt and she had to go get him from the hospital. He's ok, but she'd have to cancel for tonight. My heart sank, it was like getting punched in the stomach. I went into autopilot. I was saying all the right things, 'no problem...', supportive '..go take care of your son...'
Of course I'm not mad, just crushed. But the only person I can really share this with is L, and what kind of person would I be if I did.
Oh you should share it with her - that is the whole point! Some of the times I've done my best therapy work have been because of things like this (i.e. when therapist had to move a session because of her son) precisely because it triggers the attachment stuff we feel and therefore allows us to work on it.
ReplyDeleteIf she is any good as a T then she will be totally up for working on this. When she is in the room with you - it IS all about you, and that is how it is supposed to be.
Hugs to you too, I know it is really horrible when they cancel. I hope that you get to see her soon.
Thanks SS, As for sharing, I meant right now. The only person I can share this with right now (IRL) is her, and she's on her way to get her son from the hospital. So of course, my selfish needs can't get met right now. I guess that's what being a grown up is all about.
ReplyDeleteAnd just to prove further how selfish I am, this was an additional session on top of my normal Wednesday session. So I only have to wait another day. I should be able to handle this better.
p.s. Thanks for all your support!
Ok, I hear that but your need is not a selfish one. It is difficult to have it, when it can't be met, but that doesn't make it wrong.
ReplyDeleteI hope that when you do see her (I suspect you've already seen her at this point - I wish blogger let you be informed of follow-up comments! I infinitely prefer wordpress) you are able to share it - express it, even though it couldn't be met.
Interestingly this is something I'm working on myself in therapy at the moment, being able to express my frustration, anger and upset at needs that she can't meet without being afraid of her reaction, or worrying that it is wrong. Because no need in itself is wrong.