Wednesday, March 16, 2011

It's All Crap

Apparently in a bad place, but is it a real place?  Had a decent session and now I find myself spiraling out of control, sort of.  There's like two weird parts of me.  One that is freakishly calm and distant, and the other just wanting to lash out.  I sent a couple of crazy texts and although a 'normal' person would consider her responses thoughtful and helpful, I on the other hand just want to push her further away.  Don't know where the anger is coming from right now. 
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3 comments:

  1. NormalWasNotMyGoalMarch 16, 2011 at 4:13 PM

    Thanks SS. I sent her kind of curt/crappy reponse to her text. Told her 'Enough with talking and texting, seriously'
    I don't think she'll interpret that as me quiting, but I wish I had the strength too.

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  2. Polar BearMarch 17, 2011 at 2:58 PM

    I can relate to your "pushing" and "pulling" from your therapist. Can you imagine what you would feel if one day L said to you that therapy is over and you will stop seeing her in 6 months?

    That's what happened to me. I am still shattered.

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  3. NormalWasNotMyGoalMarch 17, 2011 at 3:05 PM

    Hi Polar Bear, I actually do get where you're coming from. My therapist, who I had seen for 3 years when I was about 20, and 5 years when I was about 35 dumped me as well. It was so excrutiatingly painful, I never, ever thought I'd feel better.
    The road was long, and hard. I went through 4 therapists, including being termed by another t who got pregnant, promised she'd be back, and then dumped me via certified letter!
    I've been lucky to work with L, she's been exactly what I needed and I actually do feel better. Of course I'm still crazy, but 'normal was not my goal' anyway!
    I've followed some of your posts and my heart goes out to you, I wish I could help. Please, please don't give up.

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