Thursday, July 14, 2016

We've sort of decided that I will start seeing Celia twice a week.  I truly like that idea although I'm certainly afraid of becoming too attached, too needy.

We talked a bit about me reading her my blog, and/or her reading my blog. I think I would like to let her.  I think I'm afraid that I would be ashamed by her knowing me more.  Maybe the writings aren't even that impressive, maybe she'll find them sophomoric, rambly, not of any value.

About 2 hours after I left I started to become anxious.  I think maybe it had to do with either because I only had a 50 minute session or I was only gonna have a 50 minute when I go on Wednesday. However in reality Celia said I could decide on Wednesday whether I wanted a 50 minute or my usual 90 minute session,  So why the anxiety?  I tried to tell myself that my anxiety was not grounded in reality.  But maybe it was/is the uncertainty?


  1. Just my 2 cents. Anxiety is something that does not necessarily improve by fixating on it or trying to get reassurance. For me, anxiety improves by slowly retraining myself to refocus away from the anxious thoughts and need for constant reassurance.

    1. I understand your point Anonymous, and mostly agree in regards to me being less anxious during my sessions. But in addition, and hopefully for not too long a period of time, we are hoping increasing the sessions will help breed some familiarity and routine, which in turn may reduce the anxiety. Hopefully!