I had my first FaceTime session with C, in fact it was my first FaceTime session ever. I was very nervous but it went much better than I thought it would. I thought there would be lots/too much silence, but other than the loss connection (she is in Mexico and service isn't that stable) it was ok.....well until the last 30 seconds.
I guess it could be called doorknob therapy, but it wasn't me that threw something in at the end, it was C. We're still talking a lot about L and past therapy relationships/experiences, and then also trying to lay some groundwork for what therapy with C will look like.
Anyway, she said right at the end 'That too much therapy is a concern that we need to talk about', then our time was up.
My first response was that she is concerned that I've been in therapy too long/too much. That scared me, like she was getting ready to speed this up and get me out the door. I thought of calling her right back or texting her but I know she's on vacation, and we haven't talked about the appropriateness of me calling/texting, so I'm gonna have to sit and wait, or more like stew.
On the other hand, she may be right, maybe I have been in therapy way too long, maybe I over think, and maybe I spend too much time on it?
Then it also occurred to me that maybe she meant that I am concerned about how long I've been in therapy? That sits a little better with me, but I certainly can't/wont convince myself that this is what she meant.
Crap, this will now roll around in my head for quite some time. I may bring it up to M tonight after I pick them up from the airport, but I don't think she'll be able to answer it either. I'm hoping just telling her will make me feel better and less obsessive about it.
That sounds to me like the therapist is indicating boundaries are important? Maybe I'm wrong, but it feels like they're saying, therapy should just be a set time, an hour or a couple hours a week, and then you live your life and don't dwell too much on it.
ReplyDeletePutting it into its appropriate place, and so then you are able to focus on your life and not obsess so much.
To me, it sounds very much like you deal with anxiety. Many of us do, myself included. But we all have different triggers, and to me it sounds as though the therapeutic process and particularly the therapeutic relationship triggers some deep anxiety with you.
Thus the constant need for reassurance and "checking in" to make sure everything's okay. Which only creates a more intense cycle of anxiety, because the checking and reassuring actually doesn't work. If it did, the cycle would stop and we would feel reassured.
For instance, I get a lot of health anxiety and I obsess about that. When I'm starting to go into an anxiety spiral, I begin checking myself and googling symptoms on the internet to gain reassurance. Except it never works. The more I fixate and focus and obsess, the more anxious I become.
It's only when I force myself to refocus on healthier things--watch a tv show, talk to my wife, read a book, take a jog, have a fun conversation with a friend...and only when I refuse to allow myself to try and "check" and gain reassurance, that the anxiety spiral can begin to die down on its own.
The anxious thoughts will continue for a time until I ignore them long enough for them to die down of their own accord.
Maybe this will resonate with you or perhaps not. FYI, that's why I felt your previous therapist was irresponsible. Rather than seeing how her methods caused your anxiety to get worse, she simply continued doing them ad infinitum, which is both poor observation skills and also poor boundaries.
Thank you so much for such a well thought out response, you have given much to think about. You are right, I do have lots of anxiety around the therapeutic relationship. It's a tough one for me, very much a double-edged sword.
DeleteAnd I see your point regarding my previous therapist but I'm not sure she made it worse, sort of. I mean that as I sit here now, post termination with her, I am not as incapacitated as I thought I would be, and definitely not the train wreck of a person I was when my first therapist C terminated me years ago. I literally wondered helplessly for a number of years after that. It was L who finally helped give me words for how it affected me.
I guess what I'm saying is it's not all black and white, especially as it relates to boundaries, my relationship with L, how I'd did and didn't help me.
Thanks again
Oh my Gosh, blogspot ate like 2 separate comments I wrote out...sigh.
DeleteBasically, I just said that I tend to be very black and white with things, and I appreciate you pointing out that this situation is not black and white. You got a lot of good out of that relationship, if also some less than good things crept in at times.
And it seems to me that you've been handling the transition about as well as humanly possible, given the anxiety that accompanies this.
Kudos to you, I know it's difficult, but the best any of us can do is to try and work through things and process them as we go.
Best of luck to you!!
No worries, your comments have been very helpful! As a fellow black-and-white thinker/feeler, I'm trying to find the balance with this one.
DeleteI am sure she was just noting something you have voiced to her before, something that she wants to chat with you about further. I don't and won't think there is a moment where it's okay to say that anyone has had "too much" therapy, but I think it depends on the context of your relationship and the work you've done.
ReplyDeleteI view therapy (at this point) as an hour per week that I'm able to focus on myself and how to better my life. It is my time to speak words and have them heard. I will never think that's a bad thing, and neither will Daisy.
Thanks Amanda, I hope you're doing ok.
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