I don't have much time to write today, but I really want to at least get some of it out. C, my T has asked on a couple of different occasions, at the start of our sessions, 'what does it feel like coming here for therapy'. I typically give a short, smart ass, deflective-type answer. But last night and thinking more today I want to give her a much different response next time, or at least that's how I feel right now.
I want to tell her that yes, it's very different but maybe what I really need right now. Maybe I do need the silences, maybe I do need to just tell, and feel my story. I miss my relationship with L but maybe it wasn't really, or totally therapy. Or maybe it was therapy, sort of, but I need something different now. I really do like my new therapist C, but right now, at this very moment it seems like I may be getting really good 'therapy' right now.
I know there's a lot more, but it's a start.