I've been trying to write about the riff that my t and I had over reading my journal. It's kind of a long story as there was a parrallel event going on as well. Unfortunately I'm having trouble writing it.....or is it that I'm having trouble telling it? Hmmmm. Not sure.
I think part of the reason I'm having trouble is that I'm having performance anxiety. Actually I'm not sure if that quite describes it. You see L did read my blog, the whole thing, and last week she kept saying that I'm a really good writer and she sees writing in my future. I definitely enjoy writing, but I don't think I have any really knack for it. Or maybe I do think I have a knack for it, but I've never thought anyone outside my own head would have thought that.
Now I find myself analyzing every word I type, which I think curbs my style....assuming I actually have a style.
So the story of L reading my blog sits unfinished. It was too much work to write. This morning I had a thought, maybe I just need to write something easier to get me started. So this is my shot at it.
Oh this feels so difficult; the encouragement made you more anxious about performing?
ReplyDeleteYes, the encouragement seems to have made me anxious. It's like I now have these thoughts in the back of my head while I'm writing. I think I'll keep trying to write little snippets for now.
ReplyDeleteI think the other reason maybe that because of the riff I'm a little skiddish about posting again. She said she won't read it again unless I ask, and I do believe her, I think.
That's good, I'm glad that you feel you can trust her not to read. It makes a HUGE difference (and I hope it takes away at least some of the anxiety!)
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the day, you are writing for you - it doesn't have to be 'good' or to fit any particular set of criteria. If after you've written what you need to write you find it IS good, well that is just a bonus.
I have 2 therapists in my life - although I don't work with both of them. Daisy knows about my everyday blog and Aster knows about my therapy blog. Each of them do not read it (and I wouldn't mind if they did). I kind of wish mine were more likes yours was - if they read them, they'd understand a bit more of who I was.
ReplyDeleteIt took great courage to send L over here.
I didn't realize that I've known you for over two years - no wonder it feels as though we're walking a similar path :)
ReplyDeleteI occasionally write as if I know they're reading my blog (as both Aster and Daisy know the address), but then there are times that I completely forget that they know.
I don't know what brought me back to this post - but I had to leave a comment regardless!!
2 years??!!!!! It seems longer!!!!
ReplyDeleteJust kidding. But please know that I am very thankful for our 'relationship'. There have been many times that I've blogged in hopes that you would read it.