Thursday, October 29, 2015

Still not sure.  I meet my wife in about an hour to then drive down to meet L. I'm still pretty angry, hurt, mad...I really hate her for doing this, and I also feel very rushed.  Like I don't, and never really did matter.

I met again with new T  last night.  I like C, but the silences are difficult.  That certainly was/is one of the things I liked about L, we didn't have too many silences, she could always carry the conversation.  Maybe that wasn't always so good, but it usually felt good, except of course when it didn't!

I've seen C 3 times now.  I think she gets it.  To use her words 'it's a major loss, and I don't even know everything yet'.  She said that I have a good understanding and insight into what's going on with me. I do think she is taken a bit back by how quickly this is happening, how soon L is terminating with me given that we've had such an intense, long relationship.  C never said those words, and has never outright questioned anything that has transpired, and maybe I'm projecting, but I'm pretty certain she wished there was a longer transition time, mostly for my sake. Even more so because of my history of being abandoned.

I feel like if I go see L tonight I'll be 'sweet talked' again, especially with my wife there.

I don't want to regret not going either


  1. How brave of you to walk into her office, when you feel so hurt. It is brave and courageous. I hope you realize that.

    Please remember that you are also at a very good point with C now. You have the ability, just as you're getting to know one another, to let her know what it is that you want and need. If you feel uncomfortable with the silence, let her know that you'll need her to fill those moments in with words for now, until you get comfortable enough with her. I've had moments of telling Daisy, "Say something, anything, I don't have the words now and I don't like the silence." You have this ability with C.

    I hope the session went well, that you were able to take hold of her words and keep them in your thoughts and memory. They will be important to hold onto while you head into the next bit of this story.

    Thinking of you.