Thursday, May 10, 2012
I finally get to see L tomorrow morning. I think it's been about 3 weeks since I last saw her. We've exchange a couple of short texts, and one sort-of smarmy text from me. I was pissed/ticked that with all the changes going on in my life that she hadn't checked in on me at all. At the same time I know how childish it was, but I did feel better after my childish rant. I'm trying not to expect too much from tomorrow, but I really need something from her, but I'm not sure how to describe it. I guess I'll just come out and say it.....I want to feel her love, her caring. I need to feel the realness of it, but I'm so afraid I won't. And I I won't because either I won't let myself feel/believe it, or it really just doesn't exist. I was thinking of texting her today to tell her that I'm looking forward to seeing her tomorrow,and I need her to be phenomenal, but I'm thinking that maybe too much pressure to put on her. Not to mention that if I tell her upfront the I'll question her sincerity......damn I'm crazy.