Still feeling pretty down, maybe it's just a funk? Low energy, not wanting to exercise, not wanting to talk much to people.  Withdrawn from my wife, even struggle a bit talking with my daughter.  I keep hoping it passes.

Celia has said a few times, including last session that Li loved me.  I wonder what Celia thinks about that.  Maybe I'll ask her on Monday.  I keep looking for maternal love.  Was so sure, or at least wanted to be sure that I found it with Li.  She was so different, or at least the experience was so different for me.  She was warm, and open, and accepting.  She really would  involved in my life.  I wonder if Celia thinks Li was too much.  I know she didn't like that Li wasn't consistent, and would certainly bend the therapeutic-framework rules.

I wonder what Celia thinks of me, how she feels about me. She did tell me that I was her first concern when she found out she had to have a colectomy. She thought of me her husband, her kids, friends...etc.

I feel like that maybe Celia started out at a professional arms-length from me, but then sometimes that changes a bit.

Is 'love' in therapy possible?  Healthy?  Sustainable? Necessary? Overrated?

Fuck...