Monday, November 11, 2013
Why? Why do I keep wanting to talk about the 'relationship'? Is it really normal to keep thinking, and wanting to talk about it so much? I think I've read somewhere that obsessing about something is just a way of not focusing on what really is bothering you. Is that true for me? Why would I be different?
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Yes - it is normal.
ReplyDeleteI'm not convinced it's obsessing ... I think it's very much wanting to know, understand and feel the truth within that relationship. I think it's about working on the periphery, and not touching the inside enough. And if we don't touch the inside, we won't be able to move forward.
I can only speak of myself, as I'm not sure if this is what you're going through or not ... but I found it difficult to tell her that I cared about her, that I needed her, was afraid of needing and wanting her in my life, and that I needed to know how she felt about me. And so I found ways to speak about pieces and parts of that - trying so badly to tiptoe around the subjects and true questions. If I didn't actually tell her what I felt, there would be no way for her to disappoint me or to hurt me - and so I struggled.
You keep speaking. Keep being brave and sharing what you can. Keep talking about the relationship, it is one of the most important you will have for a while. You are safe with her, and she wants to hear your feelings. It's likely that she knows what you need to say already, and that she's patiently waiting until you're able.
Don't ever feel that you're talking about it too much. This is your journey, your path, and you need to be able to walk it in the ways in which you can.
Take one courageous step at a time.
I hate you! You made me cry!! Thanks you, once again for your words and your support! Someday I'll treat you to a sundae!
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, I was gonna cancel this week but you've given me the courage. Thank you
You're very welcome - as always.
ReplyDeleteI only speak the truth - what I feel in my heart to be true, and what I see within your words. And I point it out because I know how difficult it can be to see what we're feeling. I think that when we're in the middle of it, it's difficult to see the outside.
Continue fighting the urge to cancel - trust me, I get it! I was thinking about canceling my session earlier today! And if you need to get the words out and you end up canceling, let her know in text or by phone that you don't mean it. My therapist now waits for the 2nd call to come in, the one that says to ignore the previous one where I canceled!
You can do this. You have survived much more in your lifetime. I promise you, the other side of this does not feel the same - it is a place filled with internal understanding. You are on your way there, you are taking the steps. You just have to keep walking.
And that sundae ... it will need rainbow sprinkles!! And you can leave out the cherry ;)