Thursday, September 12, 2013

I feel like I only write in my blog now when I'm struggling with L.  I guess it's true, and I supposed instead of feeling bad/stupid/embarrassed about that I should be proud that I write less here so I must struggle less. Oh yeah, that makes me feel much better.....not!

So what's the problem today?  Just the usual.  I push, I pull, I shutdown, I pull away, I refuse to believe that any of this, or what she says is real.  Can someone actually be this supportive?  Or is it all just therapy-psychobabble?

How would I know?


  1. I was surprised to see your name pop up in my feed, but so glad that it did. I'm glad to see you here.

    Don't be too hard on yourself ... this is your space and can do what you wish with it.

    And may I answer your questions? Well, I'm sure you know I'm going to any which way ;) Yes, someone can really be that supportive, and no, it's not just therapy-psychobabble.

    And I think that you will know that this is true when you allow it to be true. I know that sounds silly, and as something you've probably thought about. And while I can only speak from experience, I can say that the moment you let go of what you feel you should, and accept her kindness, things will begin to change (in a good way). For me, I came to that spot only after speaking with my therapist over and over again about our dynamic, about my fear of her not being really genuine, etc. Is this something you talk to L about?

  2. Thanks for (always) responding to my crazy posts Amanda!!

    Yes, I do talk to L about the relationship feel 'real'. It actually feels like this all we talk about! She is constantly reassuring me and her actions pretty much support what she says. Although the times that she does screw up it sends me on a downward spiral, and I can't stop questioning what this relationship really is.

    Does my constant questioning mean my 'intuition' is trying to tell me something? Or am I just reliving old-stuff?