Wednesday, March 20, 2013

So I went today and I talked, sort of.  It look me awhile, lots of 'warm up' talking first.  Debated about just leaving. I was getting frustrated by everything she was trying.  Sarcasm at it's best.

Why do I keep fighting this? And at the same time I would love a chance to see her again this week.

I hate that there are boundaries around this/our relationship. Although I don't really need/want more from her.  Don't get me wrong I guess I wish we were friends, but only cause I like her and it just seems like what one would naturally do with someone they 'click' with, but that's not the part that eats at me.

I guess what gets to me is questioning that she really cares, cause if she cared she'd want to be my friend too?  Is that part of it?

She told me today that I can ask her anything I want, and she'll tell me.  But she won't just offer up anything, especially if she thinks I can't handle it or it's not good for me. I suppose if I were a rational person I would see that as caring. I do wonder what it's like to be rational, normal.......


  1. I recognize the fight you're fighting. And it sucks, of course. However, there is another side - and I know that you'll get there.

    I can't speak for your reasons - only my own. And I admit that I had to get to a point where I told my T that I didn't think she truly cared. And we spoke about it.

    Ask L - she will tell you. But I will say that I know she cares a great deal - simply from all of the small and large things she offers you, all of the things she's done, and the things she says. I promise you, she does.

  2. Thanks Amanda. I have asked her and you're right, she tells me she cares, but's not helping. I feel like I'm going round-and-round, chasing my tail.