Wednesday, December 5, 2012

I need to figure what to do so I thought I try writing out my crazy thoughts.

I know my reaction was irrational.  Well I think I know.

How can I talk to her about why I can't talk to her.  She said that she wonders if I'm angry at her and my not talking is sort of a 'fuck you'.  She's probably right. 

I'm sick of reacting this way.  I'm sick of needing her. 

I bet she's thinking that because she 'knows me' that I'll be sending her some pathetic text shortly. Well I can play that game, and I won't!

And I haven't been ruminating for a while, but looks like that short stint might be over.

I don't like that she has 'power' over me.  I hate how nonchalantly, without even looking up at me, she made known her upcoming plans known.  I wanted to have the same blaise reaction.

Part of me wants to write that pathetic text, part of me doesn't.  I'm trying to make a deal with myself that I'll hold off on texting until tomorrow and if I still feel crappy I will contact her.  That sounds almost rational except if there was a possibility of seeing her tomorrow I would have to set up that time today.


  1. Sorry things are not going well. Hope you feel better tomorrow, C.

  2. Sending you a giant hug today, on Christmas! I hope that you and your family have a wonderful time together, doing whatever it is that makes you all happy!

    Love and hugs ..

  3. Just checking in on you and hoping that you're doing well! I hope to see you around these parts again soon! Take good care of yourself!

    Lots of love.

    1. Thanks for checking on me Amanda, it was a nice surprise! As usual things are all over the place, some good, some not so good, some the same, some I don't even know what to make of!! I've been trying to post for a while but I guess I haven't had the concentration. I'll try for a real update soon!