It's quiet here at the shop today, a little cold and rainy which tends to squelch folks desire for ice cream. But that's ok, I don't mind the quiet day. Business has been pretty good so I really can't complain. And when I'm not worried about finances, and overwhelmed by the changes going on, I really enjoy being at the shop. We've gotten tons of compliments, from the changes to the decor, to the service, to the awesome ice cream we serve. I knew I loved the ice cream, but it's so great to hear it from others. At home we finally have moved the last of our stuff into our new place. But we're still living in chaos and there are boxes piled high everywhere. Our new house is much smaller than our old house, and we just have way too much stuff. I'm hoping this forces us to live a much is simpler life. M is feeling much better. Her surgery went well but the recovery was horrible. She couldn't keep any food down for days. The doctors aren't sure if it was the anesthesia or the antibiotics or the pain meds that we're giving her problems. But happily she's doing much better. Although it's gonna take a while to get her synthroid levels correct. And she still has radiation at the end of this month to get through. I did see L last Friday. I was there for over 2 hours, and it went pretty well. I had so much to catch her up on, and I couldn't believe how the time flew. But even though it was really great to see her, I still left wanting more. Unfortunately we never had 'that' conversation, and the want has increased over the past few days. After reading a fellow bloggers recommended post this morning I was able to work up the courage to send a needy text, to which she quickly responded. Telling me how wonderful it was to see me last week and that she's still here and I can call or text as much as I like. She said she likes hearing from me. The texting did help, but only a bit. I still want to share more with her but right now I'm holding back, hoping it passes. Or that I can hold on until I see her on Friday.

I finally get to see L tomorrow morning. I think it's been about 3 weeks since I last saw her. We've exchange a couple of short texts, and one sort-of smarmy text from me. I was pissed/ticked that with all the changes going on in my life that she hadn't checked in on me at all. At the same time I know how childish it was, but I did feel better after my childish rant. I'm trying not to expect too much from tomorrow, but I really need something from her, but I'm not sure how to describe it. I guess I'll just come out and say it.....I want to feel her love, her caring. I need to feel the realness of it, but I'm so afraid I won't. And I I won't because either I won't let myself feel/believe it, or it really just doesn't exist. I was thinking of texting her today to tell her that I'm looking forward to seeing her tomorrow,and I need her to be phenomenal, but I'm thinking that maybe too much pressure to put on her. Not to mention that if I tell her upfront the I'll question her sincerity......damn I'm crazy.

I guess I'm having a mini tantrum right now, but it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to!!  I haven't seen L in nearly 2 weeks, and she hasn't reached out to me at all.  And of course I know she's not supposed to, but knowing that doesn't make me feel any better.

I want to contact her, but I more want her to contact me! I'm the one going through multiple life changing events and if she cared she just sent a quick text.  I did breakdown last week and send her a picture of the new sign for the shop, and she did respond, sending me 'good karma' for the Friday opening, but that's been it. 

Nothing.  No call, no email, no text. 

I could be dead on the side of the road for all she knows.