Monday, March 19, 2012

It's not that I haven't wanted to post, I really have, but I hate to sound like I'm whinning, which I'm not, although it sort of feels like it.

Once again, let's start with the 'easier' stuff....

First, we accepted an offer on the house!!!  Totally amazing that in less than a week on the market.  Although we're still taking a bath on it, but atleast we get to walk away free and clear.  It's so huge to have that weight off our shoulders.  The buyer's inspection is tomorrow, and assuming that they don't find anything too horrendous, we have a tentative close on the house for April 27th.

It's hard to believe that in just a little more than a month we'll be in a completely different environment.  Our daughter is very excited about the move, which is another huge weight off our shoulders.  We took her shopping yesterday to get a new bedroom set for her.  It's her birthday present and it adds to the excitement and the anticipation of moving. 

We also finally closed on the shop on Friday, we're now finally the official owners.  As with most types of closings, there is something that usually goes wrong, and our case wasn't any different.  It had to do with getting an insurance binder, but at the last hour we were able to pull it out.  It was more to do with paperwork than anything else, but it still would have stopped us from signing. 

In addition to buying a new bed for our daughter, we also purchased some old-tyme pendant lamps that will hang over the 'bar' at the ice cream shoppe.  I think they'll look really cool and will add to the old fashioned, yet very hip look that we're going for.  Can't wait to hang them!!

As for the whinny stuff, as usual it has to do with counseling. I'm still feeling distant or adrift from L.  I'm not sure if I'm doing it on purpose, or as one reader suggested that I've just got so much going on right now.  And as strange as this sounds, I sort of miss obsessing about her.  Why would that be?

I've felt such a closeness and a bond with her, but I feel like it's slipping away now and I'm afraid I won't get it back.  And no, I haven't talked to here about it, although I've dropped hints, and I get the feeling that she's purposely not trying to pull this out of me in hopes that I can do it all by myself.

Because I will be moving about 100 miles away and I will be a small business owner I won't be able to see her as often as I can right now.  And we've talked about this a bit and she's willing to be as accomodating as she can to meet my crazy schedule.  In fact because she owns a vacation home in the area she's willing to meet on the weekends during the summer when she's up there.  And this is all good and I'm really not that freaked out about it, which is a bit strange for me.  I'm so suprised that I'm not obsessing about it, but I'm not, I'm ok with it.  But at the same time, the 'not obsessing' is a little unsettling. 

I don't feel particularly angry with her, but something definitely is going on for me, just not sure what.  Can I obsess about not obsessing???

I know this doesn't make any sense, and that's probably why I haven't been able to talk about it with her.  I don't feel comfortable discussing things unless I've got a good understanding or a good handle on it, and such is the case with this. 

We were talking the other day and I told her it felt like our conversation seemed like one that a parent would have with a child as they are going off to college.  I jokingly told her she couldn't give my 'room' to anyone, and no turning it into a 'guest room' or 'an office'. 

Maybe the feelings are just bittersweet stuff?  Maybe I am growing up and moving out?


  1. Ever had a tooth pulled (or fall out) and your tongue keeps going to that spot over and over, touching it, feeling some discomfort and almost getting an enjoyable feeling from it?

    And then when the new tooth comes in or the wound heals, you find that you miss the touching and the constant feeling of that sore spot.

    There are parallels here...just because something is healthier for you doesn't mean you don't miss the discomfort.

  2. I hear ya gniz, but there's still this wave of sadness around it for me. I know, I know.....this too shall pass.

  3. The first thing that comes to mind is that you are distancing yourself because you realize that you will not have the same type of relationship after you move. Of course it is great that she's able to be accomodating, but you are going to be father away. If you don't share as much, close up a bit, etc ... it won't feel so badly. Perhaps?

    Those feelings come in waves for me - I feel close, I pull away. I feel comfortable - I shake things up. I don't have answers exactly, but I am thinking of you and am glad that everything is going smoothly! I cannot wait for you to open up the shop!!

  4. Thanks Manda, you're thinking totally makes sense, but it just doesn't 'feel' like what's going on for me. But then again, I don't know what's going on.

  5. I wonder what it is ... and I suppose you will know when you're aware of it. Just sit with those feelings and listen to yourself. Give yourself some "thinking space" while you're going through all of this (moving, opening the shop, etc) - and remember that even good changes are changes just the same. Hope you are well!

  6. Congratulations on the house and ice cream shop! And no you're not whining. I think it can be quite hard to figure out new feelings and changes in relationships, where it stems from. I hope you will be able to talk to L about it.