I met with Li. It's been 10 months since we last saw each other. It was good, not great, but mostly anticlimactic. I wanted more. I wanted a much deeper conversation, but that didn't happen. It felt like she didn't really want to go there, although she certainly took ownership of what has transpired with us since she left, but we spent most of the time simply catching up on each others lives.
Halfway thru the conversation I realized that I needed to bring up how things ended. I finally swayed the conversation over that way and told her that it's been hard since she left. I missed her, but the way she handled it seemed careless ('careless' is how C has described it, and it fits ). All Li had to say was 'she hears that'. She didn't offer up excuses, which I was so afraid she would, but other than referencing 'financial problems' she didn't expound on it at all. I needed much more. Maybe I needed her to be more of a 'therapist' and help me explore that a lot more. And maybe that's unfair cause she's not my therapist anymore.
I did try bringing the conversation back around one more time but she didn't bite.
We sent up another time to meet at the end of next month. I'm hoping that I'll be able to more direct with her about how the ending is/was confusing to me, and hopefully I'll be more clear on what I would like to hear from her. And maybe we can discuss what our 'relationship', if any, may look like going forward.
I've been missing C today. I'm not sure why though. I see her now on Monday and Wednesdays, which I think has helped me be less anxious, but today is Friday and Monday seems like a long time away. Maybe part of it is that I'll be away on Monday so our session will be via Skype. I'm getting used to the Skyping, but it does lack something too, or atleast in my head it does.