Sitting at the shop missing L right now. Which really is nothing unusual, but it's still frustrating. I just don't understand it. I see her at least once a week, sometimes twice, I can call or text her as much as I like, which I don't, but still the craving continues.

Why?

I told her last week it's some sort of fear, at least that's what it feels like, both physically and mentally. I'm not quite sure what I'm afraid of, and she is always reassuring me that she's not going anywhere, but still the fear persists.

I can feel it in my stomach, my shoulders, and in my throat.

Why? Or better yet, how do I make it go away?

I had this quick text exchange from L today.  It was after I had just left my session with her.  The session was ok, nothing too deep, she's trying to get me to 'feel' or 'accept' that things are going pretty well in my life., and for some reason I can't, or I'm not willing to.
We talked alot about the shop and how it's going, and all the people I've met.  We also talked about Denis Leary, and Sean Penn, and Peter Wolf!

But anyway here's the text and I'm not sure what I meant.....


Me: Needed more. More what?  and why?
L: Not sure, willing to give more
Me: Thanks but I think I'm the one who's supposed to give more.  Or maybe give-up something.
L: Good Thought



Wish I understood more of what I meant.