There's got to be a 'why', right? Why am I filled with anxiety today? Why do I transfer 'mother-crap' to her? The silence, both my own and hers. I guess just because I think/feel it doesn't make it so? I'm even seeing C's face instead of hers today. That's even weirder. I feel silence is punishment and I also use silence as punishment. Strange, yet it makes crazy sense too.
I've gotten myself all wound up that she's had enough of me.
Sent her another text message and then turned off the ringer so I won't hear the notification. And there's this level of satisfaction in giving her that type of silence. Yet I'm well aware that it's all in my head.